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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22359862">Strongly, Wrongly, Vainly</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/onereyofstarlight/pseuds/onereyofstarlight'>onereyofstarlight</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fluffember Prompts 2019 [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Thunderbirds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Pining, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 09:46:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,231</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22359862</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/onereyofstarlight/pseuds/onereyofstarlight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gordon's had a crush on Lady Penelope since he first laid eyes on her. Too bad he's pretty certain she's dating his brother.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Penelope Creighton-Ward/Gordon Tracy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fluffember Prompts 2019 [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1606219</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Edit: Just changed the rating bc I forgot about the swear in the final chapter :P No other changes.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tracy Island had been abuzz for weeks, ever since John had asked if he could bring someone over during the break between semester end and summer internships.</p><p>“You don’t mind, Dad?”</p><p>It was the nervous tone that had gotten Gordon’s attention as he wandered through the lounge room. You could tell a lot from John’s voice, often calm and level-headed, usually confident in his opinions, sometimes cold and infuriated, and very rarely scared. He lingered, listening out for his dad’s reply, wondering if he would be a welcome addition to this conversation.</p><p>“Of course not, John,” said Jeff with a smile. “She’d be welcome here anytime.”</p><p>“Who’s welcome?” asked Gordon, before he could help himself.</p><p>“Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward,” said his brother automatically.</p><p>“Ooh,” said Gordon with a delighted grin. “Lady P, huh? It’s about time you got a girlfriend.”</p><p>“She’s not my girlfriend,” spluttered John.</p><p>“Well she’s got to be someone special.”</p><p>“Gordon,” said Jeff with a long-suffering sigh. “Leave your brother alone.”</p><p>Gordon pulled a face at his brother who had turned as red as the blue hologram would allow for, and that had been that. Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward would be staying for a week come June.</p><p>No one was quite sure what to expect from Lady Penelope, not even Virgil who had spent half the year at the same college as John before transferring.</p><p>“I don’t really remember her,” he’d said, squinting as he strained his memory. “She was kinda full on? She wasn’t really into any of the same things as John, spent more time in the humanities building than the sciences. I couldn’t even tell you how they met.”</p><p>“I bet she’s a secret agent who’s recruited John into her secret society.”</p><p>“Gordon, be serious.”</p><p>“Well something about her has piqued John’s interest. Might as well be something that’s actually interesting.”</p><p>“They’re making their approach now,” interrupted Scott.</p><p>“I can’t wait to see John again,” said Alan, his eyes lighting up. “Do you think he’s brought something back for me?”</p><p>“Probably, squirt,” said Scott with a laugh. “You’d just better hope it’s not inside another puzzle box.”</p><p>“Yeah, those things are hard to replace,” said Virgil.</p><p>“What, did he think we were going to solve it?” demanded Gordon. “Alan is lucky he has a brother blessed with such ingenuity.”</p><p>They watched from the deck as the plane touched down, Alan waving madly.</p><p>They could see John’s red hair as he poked his head out of the aeroplane doors and began to make his way down the stairs, before offering his hand to the blonde woman behind him to help her down himself. John had his usual brown duffel bag slung across his shoulders and they both carried an astonishing amount of pink luggage as they walked together across the tarmac towards the house.</p><p>The four brothers glanced at each other with raised eyebrows.</p><p>“Not his girlfriend,” muttered Gordon. “Yeah, right.”</p><p>“Shut up Gordon, they’ll hear,” said Scott, elbowing him in the ribs.</p><p>The five short minutes it takes for John and his guest to reach the main lounge area seems to stretch on into eternity as they wait. The anticipation is so strong, Gordon is certain that Alan is about to bounce right out of his chair and launch into space.</p><p>The door isn’t even halfway open before Alan shoots out of his chair to tackle the man walking through calling out to his brother excitedly.</p><p>John stumbled backwards, dropping the luggage – and Gordon can’t believe how <em>pink</em> it all is – before his fall is caught by a firm hand and a low, musical laugh from behind him.</p><p>“Why John, you never mentioned your return home would involve a distinct regression in grace.” The voice tutted. “I might have pressed harder for those ballroom dancing lessons if so.”</p><p>John laughs and the sound is freer than Gordon has ever heard it.</p><p>“Hey Alan,” said his brother, looking down at the overly excited preteen in his arms. His eyes crinkled at the edges as he fished through his duffel bag one handed and extracts a gift, shoddily wrapped in brown paper.</p><p>Alan grinned and leapt back, already ripping the paper away.</p><p>“A fossilised ammonite!” he said in delight. “Thanks!”</p><p>“What nothing for the rest of us?” joked Scott.</p><p>“I don’t need an escape mechanism for you,” retorted John, stepping into the room.</p><p>“Aren’t you going to introduce me, John?”</p><p>“Sorry, yeah,” said John, turning back to her. “Guys, this is Lady Penelope. Penny, you know Virgil, the mini tornado is Alan, this is Scott, and that’s Gordon.”</p><p>Gordon turned his attention to John’s new friend and froze as he caught her eye. Time stretched before him as he saw her, rosy lips quirked into a half-smile that gave her a perpetual look of amusement, captivatingly kind eyes crinkling at the edges and an elegant neck shown off by perfectly manicured hands as she gently tossed her hair backwards. He found himself straightening to match her impeccable posture and a half-smile of his own forming on his twitching lips.</p><p>“A pleasure to make your acquaintance.”</p><p>“And mine,” said Gordon, unable to tear his eyes from hers, afraid to blink and dissolve the image in front of him.</p><p>The ocean rushing in his ears, he watched as though in a dream as she smiled and turned away from him, towards John. He knew love at first sight was just a myth, knew that his sudden desperation to monopolise Lady Penelope’s time and uncover every facet of her self was nothing he could ever hope she would reciprocate.</p><p>He’d left the group, pulling off his shirt to dive into the pool and begin swimming strokes, the exercise an excuse for his harsh breathing. If he was able to show off in front of <em>Penny</em>, then it was just as well John had never had the good sense to recognise a ploy for female attention.</p><p>All the same, he repeated the same refrain to himself as he swam.</p><p>It wasn’t real.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He always knew when she came near, the scent of sweet-peas and jasmine wafting through the air. It was starting to drive him crazy.</p><p>He’d tried to avoid her in an attempt to get some control over himself, but it seemed that absence really did make the heart grow fonder, and now he found himself cursing at the inevitable leap the organ would make whenever that perfume intruded his senses.</p><p>He had to tell John.</p><p>He had to tell John, when he wasn’t trapped on the same island with him, or visiting in the same city and utterly reliant on him for a bed to sleep in. And this was not the sort of thing you told a brother over a holocall. <em>Maybe I should take him skydiving,</em> thought Gordon. <em>Easy escape route, give him some time to process on the way down, each go our separate ways at the end of the day</em>.</p><p>“Hello Gordon.”</p><p>And that was another thing. No matter how often he made his excuses and extracted himself from their group gatherings, it was never long before she popped back up again. It was like she was trying to seek him out.</p><p>“Hey Lady P,” said Gordon, looking up with a smile that felt more like a grimace.</p><p>“John tells me you’re off to the Australian National University next year?”</p><p>“Yeah,” said Gordon. “Yeah, their school year starts early so I’ve got to finish up my requirements this summer.”</p><p>“Are you nervous?” she asked, settling herself against the railing next to him.</p><p><em>Yes</em>, thought Gordon, glancing over at her. He had a fleeting impression of her bright eyes and swaying hair before he looked away, across at the ocean again.</p><p>“Nah,” he said. “I’m gonna miss the beach though.”</p><p>“Aren’t you studying marine life?”</p><p>“Yes, but the campus isn’t exactly near the water. If I play nice with the lecturers and walk their dogs on the weekend, I might get lucky with an internship in the field. You know, prove myself to be the alpha male in the class.”</p><p>Lady Penelope giggled and Gordon’s heart stuttered in his chest. <em>Now that wasn’t fair</em>, he thought to himself.</p><p>“You could walk Bertie for practice,” she offered. “He’s come to expect only the very best of dog walkers and I’m afraid I’ve rather spoilt him.” Gordon couldn’t help the bubble of surprised laughter that escaped him.</p><p>“You wouldn’t get him back,” said Gordon with a grin. “He’d see right through my faux professionalism. He’d slip his lead as soon as your back was turned.”</p><p>“And what would you do then?”</p><p>“Grovel.”</p><p>Gordon watched as the laughter burst out of Penelope. It seemed to draw itself in from every part of her body, curling into a ball that she then threw out into the world, joyful and unexpected. He hadn’t realised how much his guard had slipped, that his carefully controlled glances had become a reckless stare until she shook her hair back smiling and caught his gaze.</p><p>Lady Penelope had always prided herself on being able to read people as easily as reading a socialite headline feed. Gordon had always assumed he was an open book. Yet as their eyes met, Gordon was stunned to see the slight shock on Penelope’s face as she spotted something she had missed. If he hadn’t been so well versed in her expressions, he would have missed the imperceptible widening of her eyes, the way her lips parted by mere millimetres, the catch of breath in her chest. Gordon couldn’t break away and he watched, helpless, as her gaze stripped him bare, right down to his core to his fearful and sleepless nights, his deepest vulnerabilities, the love by which he defined himself. He felt known. And as she reconstructed him from the inside out, Gordon found himself drawn into Penelope, into the adept and confident persona and the intrigue of reality that lay beyond.</p><p>Her eyes were an ocean that Gordon desperately wanted to explore.</p><p>“Hey, Penny!” Gordon flinched backwards as John’s voice shattered the stillness. “I’ve got a new translator programme running. Want to help me try it out?”</p><p>Penelope smiled as her eyes moved away from Gordon and flickered over to John.</p><p>“Certainly, John,” she called out to him. She turned back to Gordon. “The offer still stands.”</p><p>“What?” said Gordon dumbly.</p><p>“Bertie,” she said with a laugh. “You’re welcome anytime.”</p><p>She walked back across the deck towards the villa and Gordon’s eyes followed her, the cheerful bounce she made as she greeted John, the casual looping of arms and the gentle kiss on the cheek.</p><p>He really, <em>really</em>, had to tell John.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gordon is nineteen years old and living with Lady Penelope on his periphery has become almost normal. Sure, his breath still catches whenever their eyes met unexpectedly and he still trips over his words whenever she giggles in his general vicinity, but his vicious crush has been dampened somewhat by the presence of his older brother being so damn, selfishly <em>happy</em> around her. John’s even stopped protesting when Scott and Virgil tease him about his girlfriend and the family has absorbed Lady Penelope into the line-up as though she had always been there.</p><p>Between his time in Australia, and John and Penelope off living in England, he hardly sees her at any rate. The distance is just enough for him to forget the strength of his feelings as he plays the role of ‘just friends’ over the holonet.</p><p>They’re all together again for Gordon’s birthday. Gordon doesn’t see much more than a rush of blond hair and small arms grabbing at him as Alan shrieks happily at the sight of his brother. He’s abandoned quickly when John enters the room, but Gordon just laughs from the floor. The memory of his older brothers always leaving, with never quite enough time to call, is still too fresh for him to begrudge Alan a hug or be too upset to be abandoned just as quickly for another brother.</p><p>“How are you, Gordon?” asked Lady Penelope, leaning over him with a smile.</p><p>“Flat out,” he replied. He’s being honest, his suitcase is packed with assignments and his tablet full of readings to get through despite his birthday celebrations calling him away from his studies. He still appreciates the way her smile widens as she takes in his prone figure. “And yourself?”</p><p>“Vertical,” she said, reaching out to help him back up.</p><p>“You’re finally here!” said Alan, butting in without a second thought. “Come on, Dad got you a gift.”</p><p>“Alan, that was <em>my</em> surprise,” said Jeff in mild disapproval.</p><p>“Couldn’t wait Dad!” called Alan, as he tugged on Gordon’s arm. “Come and see, come and see!”</p><p>Alan raced ahead to the deck and gestured down at the wharf, waving his arm excitably.</p><p>“Oh wow, is that a jet ski?” said Gordon, leaning over the railing to get a better look.</p><p>“YES!” said Alan, jumping up and down beside him. “Can you try it out now, <em>please</em>?”</p><p>Gordon laughed and reached out to ruffle his brother’s hair before turning back to their dad.</p><p>“Is it really for me?” he asked, trying to keep the hopeful delight out of his voice.</p><p>“Sure is,” said Jeff with a grin. He fished the keys out of his pocket and placed them in Gordon’s hand. “Now, you must wear lifejackets when on this thing,” he said firmly, holding up a hand to stop the protests before they began. “I don’t care how good a swimmer you are Gordon, I see you or anyone else on there without lifejackets and I’ll give the whole thing to Brains to pull apart and use in his next project.”</p><p> “Sure thing, Dad.” said Gordon, rolling his eyes slightly even as he nodded. “Alan, want a ride?”</p><p>“You need to ask?!”</p><p>The two ran down to the wharf, filling the island air with shouts of laughter as they went. The loud revving of the engine drew family members from the villa, the breathless joy born of high velocity and water spray too infectious to ignore.</p><p>The shadows were lengthening and the sky was beginning to burn a brilliant orange when Gordon finally plucked up the courage to ask her.</p><p>“Hey, Lady P, do you want a go?”</p><p>“Hmm?” Lady Penelope lazily opened an eye and peered up at him. Her skin was infused with the golden light of the late afternoon and Gordon grinned at her, hopefully.</p><p>“On the jet ski?” he said. “You can drive if you like?”</p><p>“No, I prefer to let others drive,” she said, sitting up.</p><p>“Oh,” said Gordon. He turned away, trying to hide his disappointment.</p><p>“Gordon?” she called after him. “I just said I didn’t want to drive. Not that I didn’t want to try it out.”</p><p>“Oh!”</p><p>And that was how Gordon found himself seated, a powerful engine underneath him, Lady Penelope nestled behind him, and a racing pulse that had nothing to do with the impending adrenaline rush. He’s suddenly grateful his dad had insisted on lifejackets, the thick material forming a barrier between her arms and his flushed skin. Goosebumps break out where her bare thighs press against his. He’s certain everyone can see right through him with his burning ears, certain they can hear the thumping of his heart in his throat.</p><p>Steadying his breath, he revs the engine and they fly across the waves towards the sunset. She shrieks in his ear and grabs him closer, pressing into him torturously, and Gordon silently offers an apology to John.</p><p>He spins them sharply to the left and suddenly there’s water everywhere and they’re both laughing and yelling with excitement, not a care in the world.</p><p>He chanced a glimpse back at her as they made their way back to shore. In the burnished light of sunset, her hair glowed golden and the pink of her cheeks deepened further as she caught his gaze.</p><p>In any other circumstance, he might have thought she was blushing. He looked over at the family gathered on the wharf, the way John responded to her exhilarated wave with two thumbs up. Gordon didn’t miss the way he glanced at him with a barely contained look of amusement, and his heart sank.</p><p>They were just friends after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!!</p><p>(Also oops I'm falling asleep, so will finish posting this tomorrow.... sorry xD)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a quiet day on Tracy Island, the anniversary of their mother’s death.</p><p>Every year the day was the same. They shared breakfast with forced cheer, their father trying to forget the day existed and his sons all following suit. They wouldn’t comment on the way his eyes brightened when he looked at John, or how he’d spill the maple syrup when Alan giggled just like she did. He’d carefully swallow the lump in his throat and ask Virgil about his music. Gordon used to look for an opportune moment to disrupt the uncomfortable fiction of this breakfast, too honest and too restless to sit cheerlessly in the lie. It never ended in anything less than a shouting match and his Dad leaving quickly, food pushed around on his plate but never eaten.</p><p>“You’re too much like Mom,” Scott had told him quietly as a child. “It’s not your fault that it hurts him.” A decade on and Gordon still had to bite his tongue for most of the meal and rein in his exuberant nature.</p><p>Afterwards, the household would pair off in their remembrance; Grandma and Dad, Scott and Alan, Virgil and John. Kayo and Brains would take charge of managing the household in Grandma’s stead, checking in on the family, making sure they ate and got some sun.</p><p>And that left Gordon.</p><p>Gordon didn’t mind, not really. He had his own traditions.</p><p>In the early afternoon, he sat on the beach at the water mark. The sea curled over his feet as he bent forward, one finger tracing out the letters of his message.</p><p>The beach had been one of his favourite places to visit when he was small and he still remembers his Mom, hand-in-hand and laughing as they ran away from the waves together. He remembers her kneeling down, heedless of the way her skirt was soaked through, and scrawling “I LOVE YOU” into the wet sand. “The ocean will keep that safe,” she told him as they watched the ocean wash away the inscription. “You can’t take back messages from the sea.”</p><p>Every year since then, Gordon would come down to the beach and write his message. He told the ocean about how his brothers were doing, the big dreams his Dad had for them all, how Brains was building new machines that look like something out of a future-flick. How Kayo had smiled less this year. He watched as the waves carried his words away. And then he took a deep breath and wrote a different phrase.</p><p>
  <em>Dear Mom.</em>
</p><p>“Gordon?”</p><p>He startled at the uncertain voice that called to him from the forest’s edge. He nodded at the ground next to him and with a flimsy smile, Lady Penelope sat down next to him and laid her head on his shoulder.</p><p>“You okay, Lady P?” he asked softly.</p><p>“I should be asking you that.”</p><p>“Are you?”</p><p>She sighed a little and looked out across the water. “It’s quiet up there,” she said.</p><p>Gordon nodded. “Yeah, it always is.”</p><p>She looked down as the waves crashed over her toes and saw the impression he’d left behind.</p><p>“Oh,” she said, suddenly pulling away. “Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve interrupted you.”</p><p>His hand caught hers gently.</p><p> “I don’t mean to pry,” she said, hesitantly. “But I’ve always wanted to know more about your mother and John…”</p><p>She trailed off, awkward and unsure of her next words. Gordon saw at once what she was trying to say. There was one aspect of his life that John wouldn’t let her in, wouldn’t let anyone in. Gordon had been in exactly her position before, feeling that same bewildered hurt, and he knew he would be again.</p><p>“Stay,” he said softly. “Let me tell you about her.”</p><p>And she stays and he talks about his Mom in a way he never has before. The inspired wonder she exuded as she explored the world, how she used to quiz him with fun facts on long trips, the way he’d only stay still when she read him books about faraway places. It felt good to share his Mom’s jokes and hear laughter instead of a pained silence, to be enthusiastic about the things they loved together and not have the shadow of her death hang over his words.</p><p>It felt natural for his arm to fall across her shoulders, for her small hand to slip around his waist.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said, when the torrent of words gave way to a companionable silence.</p><p>Gordon smiled tiredly and pulled her in for a hug. “Thank <em>you</em>,” he whispered in her ear.</p><p>It was easy. Staying together, neither one willing to relinquish their hold. Gordon bent his head and pressed his eyes into her shoulder. She was warm and comfortable and if she felt the pinprick of tears through her clothes, she didn’t say anything. She just turned her face towards him and kissed him on the cheek.</p><p>There’s no chance that she doesn’t hear the way his breath catches, no chance she can miss the thumping in his chest as the blood rushes to his cheeks. There’s no friendly explanation he can give for this and he lifts his eyes to meet hers as she pulls away from him.</p><p>“I–” The words fail him as he looks desperately into her eyes.</p><p>“It’s okay, Gordon,” she said. Her fingers brush across his skin, a lingering touch that creates a heady gravity he can’t escape from. “You’re okay.”</p><p>She extracted herself from his grasp and before he can call her back, before he can ask questions they’ll both regret, walked back towards the villa.</p><p>Lady Penelope leaves but the ghost of her touch remains, keeping the fire under Gordon’s skin alight. He doesn’t move for a long time, his restful body showing no signs of the internal battle between his mind and his heart.</p><p>Eventually the flames and the afternoon cooled into evening and Gordon turned back towards the sea. He had to shuffle down to meet the waves, now at low tide, and he rested his elbows on his knees as he leant forward once again.</p><p>The one thing he hadn’t told Lady Penelope was how his Mom was a problem solver just like his Dad. He hadn’t talked about the way she would stop whatever she was doing to help him. How she never made him feel stupid for not knowing what to do, or never became impatient with his demands. Gordon couldn’t remember an occasion where his Mom had refused to help someone when she could do something about it.</p><p>So he faced the sea and wrote his final message for the waves to carry away in safekeeping.</p><p>
  <em>Dear Mom.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I met this girl see…</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“John?”</p><p>Gordon tentatively poked his head around the door and spotted his brother curled up in the window seat.</p><p>He waved absently at Gordon, eyes not leaving the book he was reading. Gordon took that as an invitation and sat opposite him, nestled against the bookshelf. John didn’t say anything, still frowning at the text and so Gordon waited quietly, brooding as he stared out the window at the waves crashing on the rocks below.</p><p>John finished his chapter and looked up at Gordon in surprise. “Now I know something’s wrong,” he said, putting his book to one side. “Normally I’d be having to fend you off within a minute.”</p><p>Gordon shrugged. “I’ve been putting this off for months. Still not sure how to talk to you about this.”</p><p>“Okay,” said John slowly, looking more alarmed with every word he heard. “Look, I can get Scott or Virgil to help if you need, I’m not really sure that–”</p><p>“Penelope kissed me,” Gordon blurted out. John’s mouth hung open in astonishment and he found himself lost for words.</p><p>“It didn’t mean anything, you have to know that, John,” said Gordon, desperately. “Not to her, she wouldn’t do that to you, it was just on the cheek.”</p><p>“Hold on, what?” John looked more than a little confused by Gordon’s confession.</p><p>Gordon took a deep breath. “Lady P kissed me. She didn’t mean anything by it, but I don’t think she knew what it meant to me.”</p><p>“Why would I care if Penny kissed you on the cheek?” asked John, still looking utterly bewildered. “She kisses <em>me</em> on the cheek.”</p><p>“Exactly,” exclaimed Gordon, feeling worse by the second. “Even though the two of you are super happy together – and she’d never jeopardise that, John, you know she wouldn’t – I’m so sorry but I have this massive crush on her and I don’t want to hurt you but I thought I could handle it and I just <em>can’t</em>.”</p><p>Gordon wasn’t sure when he began pacing but his chest is heaving with emotion when he looks back at John and his brother was still just sitting there, frozen and perplexed and uncomfortable. Gordon wanted to shake him.</p><p>Silence reigned for a moment and then John unfolded himself from the seat. Gordon watched him with bated breath, unsure of how his brother would respond to his admission that he had been mooning after his girlfriend. Scott would have punched him by now, and Virgil would have stormed away. John merely crossed the room and closed the door before turning back to face him with folded arms.</p><p>And then he sighed, looking down at the floor and lifting a hand to pinch at the bridge of his nose.</p><p>“I’m going to murder Scott,” he muttered, his voice quiet but distinct. He looked back up at Gordon, and Gordon realised John has been putting off this conversation almost as long as he has. Only, he’s not quite sure what conversation they’re having anymore.</p><p>“Look, Penny isn’t my girlfriend. I <em>know</em> I’ve told you that before,” he said. “If you want to ask her on a date, go ahead, it won’t bother me.”</p><p>“But,” said Gordon, who was now very confused. “Scott said that–”</p><p>“Scott doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” said John, bluntly. “Look, Gordon, Scott wants the best for us. He’s just not very good at recognising that what makes him happy isn’t always what makes the rest of us happy.”</p><p>Gordon was silent for a moment, re-evaluating his time with Lady Penelope in light of this information.</p><p>“So, you’re not dating her,” he said and John let out a small noise of irritation. “No, I hear you, I’m just… trying to understand.”</p><p>At this, John relaxed. “She’s my best friend,” he offered with a smile. “But no, we’re not dating. Never was and never will be.”</p><p>“But she makes you so happy,” said Gordon.</p><p>John shrugged. “Our relationship is complete as is. There’s no such thing as “more” for me, all I want is a friend.”</p><p>“But don’t you feel lonely?” The words leave Gordon’s mouth without his permission and he winces as they hit their mark.</p><p>“No,” said John. “Why would I be lonely?”</p><p>“I am,” said Gordon, looking away from his brother. He could feel embarrassment clawing away at his heart to admit it to his brother, wished he could take back the words. The surprise on John’s face compelled him to explain, quiet and a little shamed. “I love my friends and you guys are the greatest and I love getting to see people all the time. But I get lonely all the same.”</p><p>He felt a hand fall on his shoulder and looked up into John’s kind eyes.</p><p>“Gordon, I’m sorry you feel lonely. And thank you for worrying after me. But please don’t make the same mistake as Scott. We’re different, you and I, and I’m glad for it. Penny talks the same way sometimes and I can’t help but feel grateful that I don’t have the same problem.”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re too much of a perfectionist to have any problems like us mere mortals,” said Gordon with a hesitant half-smile. The statement is a gamble, an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. He still only half understands what John is telling him, but he can sense that as confident as John appears, the terror of rejection still weighs heavily on him as any of them. It’s just a different kind of rejection that plagues him.</p><p>It worked.</p><p>“Excuse you, I have problems,” said John, rolling his eyes. Gordon spotted the slight upturn of his lips and relaxed.</p><p>“Like what? Mosquitoes?”</p><p>“Nosy brothers, for one thing,” he retorted, and the tension in the room breaks. Gordon laughed, clear and bright, and John reluctantly pulled up the corner of his mouth to smile at the sight.</p><p>“So, do you know if Penelope like me?” asked Gordon hopefully. “I mean you’re her best friend, she’d tell you that right?”</p><p>“She might tell me, but <em>you’re</em> going to have to use the old-fashioned method,” said John, leaning down to pick up his book. “Go away and find out.”</p><p>Gordon gave a cheery wave as he left the room, which John ignored. His thoughts were whirling around his head, reeling at the untold truth his brother had shared. It was what John didn’t say that usually held more significance that what he did. And John had not once, discouraged Gordon from action, nor denied the possibility of reciprocation.</p><p>That had to count for something, among the soft looks, the giggles and the flushed cheeks. That had to count, when held up against a kiss.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Virgil, I need you.”</p><p>Gordon was standing in the open doorway, bouncing from one foot to the other. His brother looked up in surprise at the interruption, glancing at Brains as he did so.</p><p>“Sure Gords, what’s up?”</p><p>“Umm,” said Gordon, looking uncomfortably at Brains. “Personal problem.”</p><p>Brains took the hint, graciously picking up the tablet he and Virgil had been poring over together.</p><p>“Come on, M-MAX,” he called cheerfully over his shoulder. “We need to upgrade the kitchen p-programming.”</p><p>“See you in a bit, Brains,” called Virgil. He stood up straight, stretching out his shoulders and flopping down on the old and stained couch tucked into the corner of the workshop. Gordon follows suit and finds a mug of coffee pressed into his hands before he can say a word.</p><p> “Thanks,” he said.</p><p>“No worries,” said Virgil. “Now, seriously, what do you need?”</p><p>Gordon took a sip of the coffee and pulled a face. He doesn’t drink coffee, finds the taste overpowering and bitter. It does have one advantage – it buys him a few moments to collect his thoughts.</p><p>“Okay, so Penelope kissed me,” he began, “and I thought it was just friendly, because she does that right? But I felt all weird about it and I told John and <em>he </em>says they aren’t dating and I needed to talk to Penelope and I can’t work out if he’s being obtuse or cryptic and now I keep thinking about every time we’ve talked and maybe she does and maybe she doesn’t, but <em>fuck</em> Virgil, what am I gonna say?”</p><p>So perhaps his thoughts weren’t very collected in the end.</p><p>Virgil considered for a minute, eyeing how Gordon ran his right hand through his hair, how his left knee hadn’t stopped bouncing since he sat down, and how his eyes were wide despite the way his brow is furrowed over them.</p><p>“So Lady Penelope and John <em>aren’t</em> dating?”</p><p>Gordon stares at him.</p><p>“How is that the only thing of value you got out of that? <em>No</em>, they’re not dating.”</p><p>“Excellent,” said Virgil, leaning back with a pleased smile. “Scott owes me fifty bucks. So yeah, that was pretty valuable, thanks.”</p><p>“Virgil!”</p><p>“Sorry, sorry!” He doesn’t sound sorry in the least, but Gordon is too impatient to draw attention to this fact.</p><p>“Okay,” said Virgil. “You like Lady Penelope, and you know she’s unattached, and now you want to see if she’ll go on a date with you?”</p><p>“Yes!”</p><p>“Have you considered talking to her?”</p><p>Gordon let out a pained groan. “Have I considered – yes, I’ve considered that! How, Virgil, <em>how</em>?”</p><p>“Well, I can help herd everyone away from you after dinner if you want to speak to her alone,” Virgil offered. “Tell everyone that Brains and MAX have made a new friction stir welder that can be used out in space? That’ll get Alan and John out of the way, and you know how Scott loves to play with new toys.”</p><p>“Yeah,” muttered Gordon, “yeah, that’ll work.”</p><p>“And then you just rip the band-aid off,” said Virgil, cheerfully.</p><p>Gordon pictured it in his head. He could see Virgil and Brains discussing gear over dinner, dropping hints that were really an expectation that the family should follow them to the hangar. The glint in Kayo’s eye as he held back, because if Virgil knew what was going on then Kayo would find out soon enough. Him calling softly to Penelope to stay behind. Only, he could see where this ended, Scott telling Gordon to hurry up, the family stopping to look back at them, feeling helpless and caught and embarrassed.</p><p>“Thanks Virgil,” said Gordon. An ice cold feeling had crept into his heart as he imagined the event and he shuddered slightly. “But yeah, no, that’s not gonna work for me.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“You’ll all <em>know</em>,” he said and just like that, he can feel the ice rising again. “I’ve sat on this for eighteen months Virg, and it’s been a secret this whole time.”</p><p>“And up until now it’s just been an idle fantasy with no real consequences?” asked Virgil shrewdly.</p><p>“Exactly!”</p><p>Gordon was leaning forward, staring down at his shoes, coffee long abandoned in favour for fidgeting fingers. Virgil shoved his knee lightly with his foot.</p><p>“Hey, listen to me,” he said, waiting for Gordon to look up at him. “I know this feels awful but it’s a good sign. Imagine if you went rushing into this without worrying, without caring. You know this is important, not just for you and her, but for all of us.”</p><p>“I just want it to be perfect,” said Gordon. “Prove to her this is for real, you know?”</p><p>Virgil nodded. “You know that she’s not expecting perfect, right? If she likes you back, then she’ll just want to see you have the courage to be vulnerable, to put yourself in her hands and trust her.”</p><p>“Well that’s horrifying.”</p><p>Virgil just laughed.</p><p>***</p><p>It happens like this.</p><p>Virgil and Brains corralled the family after dinner. Scott saw the way Gordon hung back, but was pulled away by their father before he can open his mouth. Kayo’s eyes did glint, but she wasn’t looking at him, staring delightedly at Penelope instead. He didn’t need to ask her to stay because she was already taking him by the hand and leading him outside.</p><p>“Gordon Tracy, we need to talk.” Penelope spoke first, decisive, calm, and with a warmth that collected in Gordon’s chest.</p><p>“Yeah, we do,” he said, suddenly shy and looking very deliberately at her nose instead of her eyes. He smiled as it crinkled and she gently tips his gaze upwards.</p><p>They stared at each other, both aware of the change their next words will bring but holding back all the same. The day seems too commonplace to Gordon, too ordinary to contain the grandiose of this moment.</p><p>“I spoke to John,” said Gordon at last. “Turns out you’re not together.”</p><p>“No, we’re not,” said Penelope. “I was rather thinking you would never catch on.”</p><p>“You must’ve thought I was a right idiot,” he said sheepishly, but Penelope shook her head.</p><p>“Not an idiot,” she said. “I simply never understood why you didn’t do anything when you were so obviously interested.”</p><p>"Was I really that obvious?”</p><p>Her eyes brightened and he saw for the first time the way she always ducked her head when she smiled.</p><p>“Gordon, darling, I think the only way you could have been more obvious would have been to write it in the sky.”</p><p>“Do you think Dad would let me borrow a plane? I’d give it a go.”</p><p>“Would you really?” Penelope asked, sounding entirely too pleased by the prospect.</p><p>“Heck Pen, I think I’d do just about anything you asked me,” said Gordon, his voice soft yet earnest.</p><p>“That’s a very dangerous idea to be sharing with me.”</p><p>“Don’t you know? Us Tracy’s always run towards danger.”</p><p>“Yes, you’re all very noble.”</p><p>“You love it though.”</p><p>“Yes,” said Penelope, looking thoughtfully at him. “I suppose I do.”</p><p>She shone in the evening sun and Gordon carefully reached out a hand to run his fingers though her hair spun like gold. She didn’t notice the slight tremble in his fingertips but instead lifted her own hand to meet his, guiding it down to rest upon her shoulder. She pulled him closer.</p><p>Gordon reached behind Penelope and plucked a flower from the overgrown shrub, branches hanging over the balcony. Gently, he tucked its long stem behind her ear.</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>,” she whispered, feeling for the flower with wide eyes.</p><p>“I’d like to take you out some time, Pen,” he informed her gravely. “Just name the date.”</p><p>He doesn’t relax until she smiles, bright and brilliant.</p><p>“Next Tuesday. I’ll be waiting.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Crosspost from Tumblr. Original posted between 21/11/2019 and 24/12/2019. Began as build up for Day 17 prompt: Flower but grew into so much more, eventually filling Day 19: Home, Day 11: Eyes, Day 13: Gift and then it all got a bit out of control :D</p><p>Thank you for reading!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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